You Intelligent Designers with your Bananas, you crack me up. The reason? Simple. You miss a target twice the size and ten times the legitimacy.

The Human Wristwatch.

Now, I know what you’re saying: humans could have evolved the wristwatch as a defense mechanism against snakes. I say, that makes no sense. Snakes do not care what time it is, and snakes so rarely look at people’s wrists, how would they know whether their intended victim had a watch, much less that it was the highly evolved,¬†Prehensile Wristwatch of the Greatest Ape? See? Tarter sauce.

No, the Human’s Wristwatch is clear evidence of intelligent design, and, once again, you mambo banana-patch weirdies can say, “Yes, human intelligent design,” but that doesn’t explain why, why, if the Wristwatch is the product of human design, why everyone has one? ¬†If this were some kind of human invention, like the banana, you’d have to buy one in a store, but I have yet to see a “wristwatch store” anywhere. Even the phrase sounds ludicrous. You’d never go to a “small intestine einladen,” unless you are a particular breed of Scot. I mean, I’m just saying.

Yes, it is difficult to look closely at the Human Wristwatch and fail to wonder at the majesty of the Infinite. The intricate parts, the pleasing click as the sweep hand makes gestures around the mysterious other hands, which I call Biggun and Pinky, in the conspicuous absence of “Scientific Names,” yet another nail in your Evil-ution coffins. Anyway, if it were made by man, would there be so many bizarre and unexplainable mysteries? This strange growth on the back, for instance-

Oh, they come right off. Did you guys know that? Man.

I mean, ah, I mean, the politicizing of simple science is wrong, people. Why do you have to be so divisive? It’s a wristwatch. Don’t make such a big deal out of it.

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